Tag Archives: pas

Parental Alienation Damages a Child DEEPLY, Wounds that will Affect the Adult S/He Becomes…


This past week I have been struggling about blogging my life. One of my kids says she hates reading about her family here… I know it hurts her and I know she probablly feels compelled to read anyway.

I feel I must continue blogging here because I run across so many people on a daily basis facing choices I once made; facing outcomes that might hurt all the people they love, and I think my experiences might help them avoid mistakes that can’t be undone mistakes known by experts in PAS & High Conflict Divorces (HCD)  shown, known and proven to cause serious, sometimes PERMANENT, psychological trauma to kids and parents in high conflict divorce cases (HCD}.

If you’ve been reading here before then you know that I feel that sometimes a parent isn’t alienating the child/ren on purpose; sometimes they are just so full of pain over the break-up they can’t bring themselves to be respectful…  Talking about the other parent in a positive light is actually impossible when one is hurting so badly… and alienation can occur subconsciously.  However, once a parent understands that their behavior, comments, and preventing  contact so that normal healthy parent/child relationships can continue to exist, is harming not just their ex, but also damaging the children, well then we move to a different level. We may be leaving kids in the care of a cruel and possibly dangerous person… One who doesn’t care about the child’s self esteem, or who places their own feelings above those others.  This is the person who should face sanctions, possibly criminal charges for child abuse.  That is EXACTLY what this behavior is; Child Abuse.

Signs of parental alienation include:

  • Bad-mouthing the other parent to the children
  • Limiting contact
  • Erasing the parent from the children’s lives
  • Forcing the children to reject the other parent
  • Forcing the children to choose sides
  • Creating the impression the other parent is dangerous (yes I just said the alternator is the dangerous one…)
  • Belittling comments to the other parent in front of the children
  • Calling the children to testify against the other parent
  • Convincing the children the other parent is creating financial hardship on the family
  • Spreading rumors and lies to community members which make it difficult, if not impossible, for the other parent to remain within the family’s previous shared community.
  • Making criminal allegations to law enforcement causing legal issues and sometimes incarceration when there is no validity to the charges; or the charges emanate from legal activity prior to divorce or separation.

My son believes that I stole from his father, he says he was shown proof.  I have asked to see this proof to no avail. I’m left to believe either it doesn’t exist, or may be easily refuted once I can see what was shown to him.  Proving a negative is almost impossible.  However making sense of documents,  providing legitimate reasons specific papers exist, is quite simple. Showing a kid some stock trades or line item purchases without giving background, or dates, (perhaps a married couple decision to make a purchase, now being twisted into a theft by the outsider) whatever the case may be, if their was a CRIME COMMITTED then the District Attorney would file charges, a criminal trial would ensue, and the truth would come out because unlike family court, criminal court has due process and burdens of proof to satisfy.  How is a child supposed to have the critical thinking skills required to question legitimacy of these types of accusations?  S/he can’t s/he just believes it or not.

MY HIGHEST CRIME:

ONE DAY while I was still married I did something out of anger that I knew was wrong. I charged 100 pizzas to his card and had them delivered to his former workplace with a nice greeting. $500.  is no felony. People enjoyed it and I felt a little less angry that day.

Yup I did that.

Leah

 

 

– See more at: http://www.natlawreview.com/article/parental-alienation#sthash.bSissCTq.dpuf

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Welcome New Viewers


Won’t you take a few moments to read some of the posts below?

By sharing my experience I hope to help divorcing parents avoid my divorce pain, for the kids sake.

What I have gone through isn’t an isolated event;  it happens all over the world everyday and very often (In My Opinion) it happens by accident.  It is a slow process which is exacerbated by other influential adults in a child of divorce’ life talking negatively about a non-custodial parent.  The more rejecting the custodial parent is of the ex-spouse, the more hatred and contempt displayed by the parent a child lives with then the MORE likely that child will eventually reject the non-custodial parent.  This is due to fear of rejection by both parents.  If custodial parent can reject someone s/he promised to love honor and cherish so maliciously, what is to prevent custodial parent from rejecting the child if s/he displeases him/her? What would happen to that child if mom and dad both reject him/her? Would they be alone? Fear rules the depths of a child’s imagination.

My opinions are that there is no way to completely reverse Parental Alienation once the child is over 16-17 because too much has been lost, like the point of no return.

I believe that some families and people don’t even realize how serious the impact of their off the cuff remarks are to the listening child.

I believe that the custodial parent has a duty to maintain open contact with the other parent and to do everything possible to help the child retain the parent child relationship that existed during the marriage.

I FIRMLY believe that neither parent should move farther away than 30 miles.  This was my BIGGEST MISTAKE.

I believe that family courts should have some sort of public defender or other type of legal aid on a sliding scale to even out the playing field in these very important issues.  When one parent has all the resources and the other is destitute even the idea of custody being given to the poor parent is a concept the indigent parent wouldn’t want, because with the wealthy one the child will have their needs met by virtue of financial ability.  I recall a few visits where I had nothing but peanut butter and rice to feed 5 of us for a weekend.  It is an awful feeling to have nothing more to offer the children you love.

I believe that there should be a post divorce review, not in the courthouse, but with some type of case manager who retrieves various pieces of information and documents the judge may have ordered created or filed, receipts proving bills have been paid; child support and alimony payments should be processed electronically via a private party who would report immediately any failure of payment which can be settled swiftly without long drawn out contempt hearings.

I believe that family court judges should not interject their personal beliefs regarding the divorcing parties into their verdict.  In my case I had been too politically active as a Republican in a Democrat State; it hurt me in court, I am sure of it.

These are just some of my views and I hope you will read on to learn more about My Divorce Pain so it will prevent you from hurting too.

Leah Leanne Talley (Formerly Wesolowski)

A response X’s 2


I believe I told you, dear reader, that I had told my Daughter Libby about this blog, and that she really didn’t approve stating it is “Private”, and therefore inappropriate for me to publish things here…

I told her it was time for me to tell my side of the story and that it was healing, and quite the relief to finally have the courage to tell others about this part of my life in the hope I can save a marriage; prevent acrimony in divorce; or prevent Parental Alienation.

Then I asked her why is she angry at me for posting the court docs, the IRS Lien, when it was the settlement her dad asked for; and it was he who refused to complete that settlement.  I never wanted this, she knows that is true.

She replied, (sighing) “yeah, I guess you’re right Ma, but I hate it.”

*******************************

Then I was messing around with my iPad the other day and hit an e-mail address belonging to one of my kids and typed “Hi” not expecting that email to be any good. A few seconds later “Bling” there was a message, the first contact in several years, it stated (Paraphrasing) “Stop contacting me. Stop lying on your horrible blog about my family, and take down your review of “Momma” because it is negative and you missed the point of your child’s words when she wrote it.”

I thought about it a few and then I wrote, “I’ll make you a deal, I will remove anything from my blog that you can prove is a lie. I will try to remove my review of the Song “Momma” and I won’t contact you at all if I can get one text a week saying you are alive and well and healthy.”

I changed my review of the song “Momma” I tried to delete it, but there was no option.

I have not been notified of any “Lies” that need to be addressed here, so it remains.

I haven’t been given a text back, but I am going to wait the full week before I cry about that.

Thanks for reading.
Responses are welcome.

A Heart that is so Broken Sometimes Just HAS to say, “Enough”!


I was texting my daughter (the only one that still talks to me) the other night.  She says that all this stuff is private and I shouldn’t publish it.

I  really think over the things I publish, I have prayed about it, I have even discussed it with an attorney and come to the conclusion that the only thing left for me to do it to show the hypocrisy, and give public evidence of the pain I have endured now for 12 years.  I blog here not just to regain some of my own lost pride, but also because I FIRMLY believe that Parental Alienation can only be prevented if one knows what to look for.

I was BLINDSIDED by this.  I never imagined the children I gave birth to could hate me so harshly, and so undeservedly.  I was a good mother.  I tried very hard to teach my children in ways that would have meaning, not just by lecture or spanking, but by demonstrating how actions have consequences.

My children have taught me that in divorce leaving the state is the absolute WORST IDEA anyone can have.  You MUST BE THERE for them even if it is not in the same house.  For that mistake I will pay continuously for the rest of my life.

I can’t keep reaching out to them, to be hung up on, or avoid writing the truth here because it is embarrassing.  TO BAD!

A) I never wanted to be divorced; he filed against me.

B) I signed our IRS documents shortly after the divorce, HE DIDN’T FILE them, HE disobeyed the courts order, not me.

C) I had to pay private mortgage interest rates because he left my name on our home in Alabama for 6 years the rate of interest I was paying was 10.5% while the bank rate was around 5%.

D) I couldn’t go back to school for two years because of his failure to file.  Until I finally consulted the IRS and an attorney who told me that since he did not comply with the judge’s 30 day mandate I was no longer obligated to wait, I could file on my own, and I did.

E) When American Express sued him his defense was that I was mental and overspent.  However, all the items I bought he enjoys.

F) If I was mental as he says, how is it that he was able or even RIGHT to have me sign a “Quit Claim” deed on our home while I was in the hospital voluntarily seeking help for what I can only describe as a “breakdown”?

G) The religious aspects of this really tick me off, I have been avoiding writing about them, but there will be a lot about that coming soon.  Anyway, he is a born Catholic.  Divorces are not acceptable, and his divorce, and subsequent remarriage, according to Doctrine makes him (and by default me) an adulterer in the eyes of the Catholic Church.  So how does he have the nerve to take Holy Communion? I don’t.  I won’t until I get a blessing to do so by a priest I am seeing for counseling over all this.  So far, he has not said I can receive communion.   PLUS Chuck is a Knight of Columbus and a Past Grand Knight, who marches in Parades in full regalia which kind of makes me want to barf.

G) GEE how can he make this right?  Admit to the kids he lied to them about me, that HE refused me re-admittance to the home, he wanted the divorce and that he systematically chased me out of Alabama… That he did not follow the court order, that HE kept my letters and gifts from them so they would think I was not thinking about them ALL THE TIME (which I was). That I LOVE THEM SO MUCH and he knows it, and they should too. FINALLY he needs to pay me the money I was awarded in our divorce.

I am not holding my breath,.  But I am so GLAD that there is a FIRST AMENDMENT.

I am an alienated child.


Sad man in space
Alone in Space

I don’t want to wait that long to see them again

Karen Woodall

I am an alienated child, I am sure of myself and the world that I live in, I know what is true and what is not and I have been told many stories about you from the past as well as the present.  When you try to tell me that what I believe is wrong I know that this is confirmation of everything they say about you, you are tricking me, you are trying to control me, you are dangerous to me and those who love me.

I am an alienated child, I am self righteous and indignant if anyone dares to suggest that what I know to be true is wrong.  I will not listen to you or to anyone who tries to stand up for you, I will cut out of my life in a second the people who do not agree with my point of view.

I…

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Goodbye, I love you. How can this change? {replies requested}


I Don’t Want To Leave Without Saying “Good Bye, I Love You”

  The way my ADULT children feel about me and their lack of contact with me, I can’t do a DAMN thing about.  I am trying with much difficulty to accept the things I cannot change (as the 12 steppers pray)…   Not having them in my life really hurts, but then, as we have discussed in my previous posts, that pain has a way of morphing into anger.  I find my thoughts golden and glowing brightly with love for all of my children, and then I get this urge to contact them… that urge to know them, talk to them, contact them, reminds me they will not answer, or worse, hang up and if I make that phone call I might as well go walking into a wall because I will end up hurt, (sigh) again. The thought of their rejection brings on my anger. As I start to get angry, I relive the things that I have done, and that have been done to me, and then that anger grows…  I hate the anger that exists in my psyche now.  I have never been an angry person.  I have been told by people that the one thing they recall about me growing up, was a constant smile.  That smile which is now so rare.

   Today, I was thinking about my recent bout with cancer, (this is my third bout and victory over cancer), and I thought “WHAT IF I DIE WITHOUT SEEING THEM AGAIN?”  I can’t bear this thought.  My death, could be long and arduous, or it could be a short and swift.  I don’t know how or when I will die, but I know FOR SURE that I don’t want to leave this world with my children full of animosity toward me.  I don’t want to go without them knowing I love them and never meant for this to happen to our family.  I don’t want to die without apologizing for any and all ways that I have wronged or hurt them.  I want them to know that I LOVE, Love, LOVE them so much!

   The opposing thought then invaded my busy, self defeating, thought racing, bi-polar brain.  What if one or more, of my children were to die today!?!  I would not have been allowed to say “Good bye, I love you”  they would think the horrible things they have been brainwashed to believe about me for eternity… This thought hurt me more than words can sufficiently express.

   My mind screeched, “THIS IS SO UNFAIR!”  Yes, as adults, they have free will.  They can’t be forced into any type of therapy, they can’t be made to listen to my side, or to understand a painful divorce and things that went very wrong in our marriage NEVER meant that I didn’t love them.  I have no ability to get through to them, to apologize for leaving, to show them my love.  I have lost them and with them I have lost a piece of my soul so large that I barely breathe anymore.

  I take responsibility for leaving, I do!  I still believe leaving was the only way I knew how to survive, how to deal with his post divorce treatment of me.

   My Doctor thinks an anti-depressant will help me.  I disagree. She says that people should “get up and LIVE their lives“, and I agree with her on that point.  Except when I get out there, in every crowd, every visage, every moment, I see something that makes me think of my kids and that painful anger sears my soul a little more once again.  Also, on those rare occaisions when I do “get out there“, if I find that bright childhood smile on my face I actually feel guilty.  Ridiculous I know, but it is true, I feel guilt because there are actually moments I am not thinking of them.  HOW DARE ME!

    I once told a therapist that “When shitty things happen to a person it is completely normal for that person to feel shitty.”  Well I feel beyond shitty much of the time, I feel helpless and emotionally eviscerated, and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it;  OR IS THERE?

   I am open to suggestions if you, my dear readers, have any.

Would you like to know one of the things I have considered?  Well I’ll tell you.  I have considered having ECT (electro convulsive therapy) in order to obliterate these painful memories.  Erase the memory of my children from my brain, like Carey’s character in “The Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind”.  It didn’t work for him though, and I don’t really believe it would work for me.  Yet I have considered it many times.

   So what other things?  Pour myself into a project. That’s funny, I try that too, I say try because I am continuously trying to find something, anything, to keep my mind off this horrible pain.  My house is filled with project after project, some partially started, some not even out of the bag, none of them complete, because it simply did not work.

   So what else? My life has always revolved around music… that really is the one thing that even the painful intrusive thoughts can’t excise from my short repertoire of enjoyment.  Alas, I fear that the enjoyment of music might be in peril of being lost at this point in my life.  Deafness is encroaching upon my ability to understand lyrics, and I also feel it is effecting the way I sound both when I talk and sing.  Boy, do I sing. “Loud and Proud” my voice coach used to say… now I am told too frequently I am talking too loud.  I can’t imagine what people must think of my singing.

  So again, I ask, how can I move past the pain? I have been divorced for 12 years, but my youngest son only rejected me this past year. He is 17, and the loss his love, of our talks, and texts may have been just enough to really damage me.  FUBAR!

  Can I reach out to them somehow, show them that what they have been lead to believe is false?  HOW?

   “Back off” my friends say, “they will eventually come around“.

 What if they miraculously do come around and I am already dead?

Leah