CALLING All Women Whose Kids Were Taken Away & Given to Fathers: MainStreamMedia (MSM) Is Listening!
Many National Mainstream Media Investigative Journalists, both TV and print, have recently contacted Cindy Dumas, Director of The Women’s Coalition, about the epidemic of children taken from women and given to fathers, many of whom are physically or sexually abusive.
MSM wants to know the extent of the crisis so this social media event has been set up for all women to get their voices heard. Editors, reporters and producers will be reading the posts and comments so please let them know how this has negatively impacted your life!
There are three ways you can participate:
1. Join the event and post about your case.
2. Comment, Like and SHARE posts
3. Send an email to
with a one page or less summary of your case. Put MSM in the subject line. [TWC will keep name confidential if it is requested.]
NOTE: It can be very brief if you’re short on time, something like:
“I am my children’s primary bond, but they were taken away from me when they were 8 and 10 and sole custody was given to the father who was abusive to them. I have been restricted to supervised visits and have been bankrupted fighting for them. We have been destroyed by the system.”
If you sent one for the UN Complaint, you can use that summary.
If you want anonymity TWC will post it for you.
Use a photo for more impact.
WHO should participate: Any woman who was the primary nurturer of her child(ren) and lost primary custody to a father (whether he was abusive or not)–even if joint custody was awarded–without a fair hearing.
NOTE: One journalist is especially interested in Massachusetts cases and two are especially interested in cases where the mothers went into hiding.
ONE PAGE SUMMARY (optional):
• You were/are the primary nurturing parent
• How many children were taken
• What false accusations were used
• What kind of visitation you got, if any
• How long you went without seeing your kids
• What kind of abuse was involved, if any
• Whether your evidence was covered up or disregarded
• Whether you were coerced into silence; by whom
• Which officials involved: DA’s, law enforcement, social services, family court officials, psychologists, therapists, etc. (names optional);
• Whether you/your kids suffered trauma symptoms
• Whether you were financially devastated
• Whether your career was damaged or destroyed
• How you feel about what was done to you and your children
Please SHARE this event so MSM is deluged with cases!!
(bloggers opinion, this should be an issue of injustice regardless of sex)
I am an alienator. You know me well. You lived with me once and you witnessed my behavior patterns but you did not spend time studying and internalizing them. I know your behavior patterns better than you know them yourself. I know how to measure you, test you and control you. I know what your hooks are and I know that the depth of the love for your children is a weakness I can exploit. I am an emotional terrorist. I will terrify you into submission. You will do as I tell you to do, if you do not, I will take your children away.
I am an alienator, you didn’t notice that when we lived together but I began my work long before we went our separate ways. I created fissures and fractures within our family and I managed and manipulated reality, though for a long time you did not notice that.
I am an alienator, at times in the past you felt a chill wind blow through you when my moods changed as I raged and then sweet talked you to smooth the ripples in your growing awareness. My mind is distorted but the projection of shadows causes you to believe it is yours which has failed you. Eventually you came to believe that it was you and not I who was crazy. You shivered as I turned down the gas light.
When you appeal to the outside world for assistance I will turn my most charming face to the sun and open my arms wide and beseech them to believe that I only want the best for my children. I will widen my eyes and up turn my palms and say ‘what can I do when they don’t want to see you’ and suck into my airspace all those who attempt to bring change to the lives of the weapons I know I can use.
My children are assets, collateral, extensions of plans that I make to wreak my revenge upon people who challenge my views or attempt to remove the control that I have in my life.
My children are satellites orbiting sunshine coming only from me – you could never compete with the warmth that I wind around each of their hearts so that only my love is enough; making yours surplus, not needed, discarded like clothes that you bought and I won’t let them wear.
I am all that they need.
You are not.
When our love ended my rage recruited our children to a campaign of
revenge that joins us together against you.
In my mind your betrayal awakened the traumas of people long dead and ignited the fuse that lead to the bomb that blew up our lives. Now, the souls of our children are hostage to wrongs which come howling from hell and you are helpless to hold back the tide which will sweep you and they to the death that is living with losing your children whilst they are still breathing. Your loss not mine which you and not I will have to survive.
Sometimes you mirror me, two perfect projections that weave webs of destruction that sever our children in two, one side light, one side dark, you there in the shadows.
But mostly it is because I cannot see my behaviours, I am blind to the sight of myself in the mirror. The only reflection I need is the love of my children to feed me and give me a sense of my self which I lost even before I was born.
I am the alienator, annihilator, terminator. My aim is to end, by fair means or foul, your place in the hearts and the lives of your children.
I am easily spotted by those who know me but invisible to those who do not. You will spend your time, your energy and money telling them I am behind this whilst I smile and continue to shred the trust our children once held in you. I am an alienator even when I do not know it and the failure to see the shadows I cast in the projections I throw onto you, is the fault of a system so blinded by bias it is frozen like the minds of our children, the children being harmed right under the noses of those who should know how to help them but sadly, do not.
In the plain sight of you and of them, the lives of the children you love are stolen, erased and extinguished.
And your anguish and pain are the gifts that I treasure.
And your suffering compensates for the things I perceive you to have done.
And whilst chaos reigns and the system colludes with my delusions, the power I seek remains mine.
Along with the children.
Whose eyes are wide open but able to see nothing at all.
I recently wrote a private letter to the Stepmother asking her if we could bury the hatchet now that I am frequently invited to Al. to see my granddaughter. I have had no reply, I assume that means no.
I posted a link in the step-parents area at reddit/divorce and I was shocked to have such negative feedback. People telling me to remain out of my newly reunited, adult children’s lives and to leave SM alone. I just DON’T understand WHY people can’t get along? Why does it have to be ONLY her, and how could she really hate a person she has never taken 10 minutes to know?
I really am struggling with these questions because I want to be able to attend future events, weddings, christenings, Holy Communion, all of it. I do not want my kids to have to pick one of us, we are adults and I feel we should be able to be in the same room civilly, for the KIDS! Please post new thoughts below…
Although we have never spent any time together I believe that you and I COULD become friendly, if not friends.
First off; let me again express my gratitude to you for guiding my children into adulthood. I honestly believe that without your influence they would not have achieved so much. I can’t thank you enough for loving them. Sincere, heartfelt THANKS!
Now I need to address some issues that I feel we, yes, you and I TOGETHER, need to come to terms with.
The number one thing that Wanda told me you said about me that really hurt my feelings was, “anybody can spit out four kids”. I have serious issues with that statement because it is a falsehood number one; because the children are mine, they are NOT your flesh and blood. Yes, you were there for them the past 7 years or so, but that doesn’t make them your children. It makes the children your family, people you love and people you are partially responsible for, still they will always be 50% of my genetic code and no matter how much you love them you can’t replace me. You can’t change their genetic make-up and as much as I believe you wish you could erase all traces of me from them, you can’t. I suggest that you come to terms with this and try to comprehend the special bond of mother and child which I have observed to remain intact even when a child is separated from their biological mother from birth.
Allow me to give you an example from my own life. You may not know this about me but I was adopted. I had a burning desire to find my biological family, my roots, at a very young age. To that end I began adoption research at the age of 15. I spent countless hours scouring records of “Chattle” (yes, sickening that Arizona used a livestock sales column to post adoption announcements) helping so many other people in the Az Search Triad, but never successfully locating my own announcement.
After Charlene was born I became obsessed really with locating my birth mother, and after much research I finally found her.
What she experienced the day I called her for the first time clearly demonstrates the connection between mother and child that remans unbroken through time.
My birth mother, June, (Wanda June is named after both Chuck’s mother and my birth mother) is the type of woman who’s only idle time is when she is asleep. She never really stops doing. The day I first called her was one of the rare moments in her life where she simply paused, by the telephone no less, in certain anticipation of a call from a daughter she had never met. Call it a psychic connection, a twinned cell, or, as I believe, a blood bond, she knew the baby she placed for adoption was going to call her that day and she was ready.
Jill I am not telling you this to make a comparison between the love our children have for mother or step mother. I trying desperately to explain that EVERYONE in this family will be far better off with more love rather than more pain. I would never force my children to choose between you and I, not for fear of the outcome, but because it is simply UNNECESSARY for them to make any such choice.
Now Jill, my children are almost all adults and I realize that they can decide never to speak to me again. How do you think they will feel when they have their own children and become aware of the deception and mean-spirited tactics that have pushed me away since the moment you became an important part of their lives? Do you believe that they will overlook the awful things you and Robin have said about me over the years?
I am betting adulthood will open their eyes to just how mean you have been to me. I HONESTLY Hope they don’t become so angry with you for the accusations, the not telling them I called, wrote, or flew 1200 miles to see them only to be threatened by you with trespass charges if I didn’t leave. Jill, as deeply as you have hurt me, I don’t wish this pain upon you.
I think of ALL of you everyday and while sometimes I am filled with pain, which ultimately leads to anger, for the most part I think of you fondly. I imagine you teaching Wanda to read music, encouraging Daniel to pursue drama, and holding the grandchildren I will never hold, with the love and adoration they clearly deserve. I imagine the pain you feel, as I once felt, being ignored intimately by a man who was sadly taught that sexual intercourse was something women despised, and that showing affection or being publicly affectionate was inappropriate even for man and wife. I imagine you crying alone realizing they will soon be gone and that even though you are married to a great guy, you will soon be very lonely.
Jill, I will always welcome any positive relationship with you. I would be able to overcome the painful past if you would simply reach out in sincere friendship to me. We have much in common, my kids have told me this time and again. I was told by Daniel that I left hurtful messages on your answering machine for you. I honestly do not recall trying to be hurtful towards you; yet I know that when I am in pain I can be very mean. I know this sounds like I am making excuses, I am not. There is no excuse if I hurt you; and if I did I am truly sorry. Please find it in your heart to forgive me.
Jill, please, I am begging you to start to TRY to add me to your life.
Won’t you take a few moments to read some of the posts below?
By sharing my experience I hope to help divorcing parents avoid my divorce pain, for the kids sake.
What I have gone through isn’t an isolated event; it happens all over the world everyday and very often (In My Opinion) it happens by accident. It is a slow process which is exacerbated by other influential adults in a child of divorce’ life talking negatively about a non-custodial parent. The more rejecting the custodial parent is of the ex-spouse, the more hatred and contempt displayed by the parent a child lives with then the MORE likely that child will eventually reject the non-custodial parent. This is due to fear of rejection by both parents. If custodial parent can reject someone s/he promised to love honor and cherish so maliciously, what is to prevent custodial parent from rejecting the child if s/he displeases him/her? What would happen to that child if mom and dad both reject him/her? Would they be alone? Fear rules the depths of a child’s imagination.
My opinions are that there is no way to completely reverse Parental Alienation once the child is over 16-17 because too much has been lost, like the point of no return.
I believe that some families and people don’t even realize how serious the impact of their off the cuff remarks are to the listening child.
I believe that the custodial parent has a duty to maintain open contact with the other parent and to do everything possible to help the child retain the parent child relationship that existed during the marriage.
I FIRMLY believe that neither parent should move farther away than 30 miles. This was my BIGGEST MISTAKE.
I believe that family courts should have some sort of public defender or other type of legal aid on a sliding scale to even out the playing field in these very important issues. When one parent has all the resources and the other is destitute even the idea of custody being given to the poor parent is a concept the indigent parent wouldn’t want, because with the wealthy one the child will have their needs met by virtue of financial ability. I recall a few visits where I had nothing but peanut butter and rice to feed 5 of us for a weekend. It is an awful feeling to have nothing more to offer the children you love.
I believe that there should be a post divorce review, not in the courthouse, but with some type of case manager who retrieves various pieces of information and documents the judge may have ordered created or filed, receipts proving bills have been paid; child support and alimony payments should be processed electronically via a private party who would report immediately any failure of payment which can be settled swiftly without long drawn out contempt hearings.
I believe that family court judges should not interject their personal beliefs regarding the divorcing parties into their verdict. In my case I had been too politically active as a Republican in a Democrat State; it hurt me in court, I am sure of it.
These are just some of my views and I hope you will read on to learn more about My Divorce Pain so it will prevent you from hurting too.