Tag Archives: pain

Give Them Time, They Will Come Around


Once upon a time there lived a family. A kind man married A lovely woman and they had two children.

Sadly not every happy family can make it forever and so, this family began to fall apart when their two children were in their formidable teenage years.

In the early years both children enjoyed a close and loving relationship with both of their parents. However, when the bitterness of divorce began spreading its ugly roots within their once very happy home, the teenage children began to show distain for their father. It was inexplicable the amount of anger and hate these two loving children now held out for their father. On every issue they seemed to solely side with their mother, even the tiniest thing like what to watch on TV or where to go for dinner. If these kids believed that their mother would not like the places or choices, then neither did these teenage children. They would often refuse to spend time with their father, eat dinner with their father, or even watch television with their once cherished dad.

Prior to The failure of the marriage the kids had a close, loving relationship with both of their parents. Now their father was a loathsome creature, not worthy of consideration, care or love.
Once the divorce was final, the children completely cut their father out of their lives. They also renounced all ties with their paternal family. As well as daddy’s friends from around town.

Heartbroken, he could not understand how children he loved so deeply could turn their back on him in such a way?! How could they forget him on Father’s Day?! His birthday?! pretty much every day? His friends said, “give them time, they will come around you will see” … But they never did, until one day when his worst fear was realized.
Yes, he had just learned he had cancer, his time on earth was short.

He now reeled in the pain of regret. He was suddenly overwhelmed with regretful sadness of not BEING THERE because of their attitude towards him. Suddenly He regretted as he realized he had a right to attend every birthday, that he had not insisted upon attending even the smallest event even if it meant watching quietly from the back of the room, without drawing undue attention. He regretted missing things like graduation, their first play, their wedding day, and the birth of his grandchildren. He missed it all because he was “Waiting for them to come around”.

The pain of his suffering didn’t bode well in his battle against the big “C”. He suffered now not only from cancer but from depression as well.
A friend of the family took it upon himself to call his children to tell them it was time.

Now as adults, they rallied around him and he was in awe of them. His love for his children left him in tears every night when they left the hospital. He hung on every word they spoke, memorized every story that they told, each memory recalled, or thing they joked about; all the time he had missed “Waiting for Them to Come Around” was now laid before him by two strangers he now knew less about than he knew about his attending nurse.

Before his diagnosis he had been seeing a woman and really enjoyed her company. He asked her to marry him just two days before those terrible test results came back, she had agreed, but no date was set due to his diagnosis and the sudden the appearance of his formerly lost children. They seem to permeate every aspect of his now cut short life. They took over and routed her out. He was unable or unwilling to to limit this sudden attention of his adult children in this the final stage of his life. So every day he laid back and memorized everything about his long lost children. All the while forsaking the love of his present. Why should he care about the future? He reasoned for he had no future. It was this sudden, unexpected, and long dreamed about arrival in his present that he was so stunned by that really nothing else mattered to him. Forsaking all others, he simply watched his children as he rapidly faded and died.

Because of state laws the actual people in charge of the funeral where his children. Even though they knew nothing of his desires for internment. they had not asked him if he wanted to be buried or cremated, and once again due to his amazement of their sudden appearance in his life, he never mentioned how he wanted his funeral handled. Even if he had told them how he wanted his body handled or how he wanted his estate handled, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t have cared. He was after all nothing more than a stranger whom they shared genetic code with . They really didn’t remember him from their childhood. He had not attended any important events and didn’t even know their spouses so they thought nothing of having him cremated and throwing his ashes in the middle of a lake. How were they to know that he could not even swim?

The next day, the children cleaned out their father’s home . Swiftly, carelessly removing items that were quite obviously items belonging to his fiancé. They placed everything with the state seller who could get rid of all of his stuff within a week and for a nominal fee. Next they hired a real estate agent sold his property and split the money three ways mom and two kids.

No one thought about his parents, their paternal family. Sadly they hadn’t seen or cared to hear from their father’s parents, their own grandparents, in years. The grandparents did not get to attend the funeral, did not get to say goodbye to their son, and in fact they never again saw their grandchildren.

Sadly, they learned of their sons death by reading an obituary in the newspaper mailed by a friend some 10 days after the funeral.

They weren’t really that close to him but they definitely loved him. They always sent their grandchildren birthday, Christmas, and other occasional cards with money inside. They did this despite never receiving A card, a return reply, “Thank You” call or correspondence. Their son wrote to them often but since his divorce had remained aloof.

One friend said: “Who disowns their own grandmother?”

Alienated children, that’s who.

They came back into their father’s life just long enough to benefit from his death; conveniently showing up so that hospital staff and social workers would defer to his kids instead of a truly involved, mother, father, sister, brother, fiancé or other relative for his final wishes. Oh, They came around all right, just not in the way he thought they would.

I’m sure, in the mind of an alienated child, this is acceptable and maybe even normal behavior. After all they were taught daddy is a lowlife and he ruined our family so now they’re going to get what they feel they deserve.

That concept is One of the most frightening and abhorrent things about Parental Alienation victims behaviors: it is mystifying and wrong in every aspect. No matter if you’re the alienator, the alienated or an adult, untreated, child of acrimonious divorce, you do not comprehend A true family unit or fully understand how families should work, Sadly many of you do you not know at all what real love is like.

It isn’t just the children who need help it’s the alienator the ex-spouse, or even someone else involved in the situation such as an in-law or a stepparent if they participate in alienating behavior they need help. The estranged ex-spouse certainly needs help, and don’t ever forget the children because they are our future and if they don’t know how to love this world is in serious trouble.

the children think their behavior is natural and ordinary. Is it typical for a person to disown half of their family? When you’ve been raised by an alienating parent, unfortunately, the answer is yes Source: Waiting until illness descends upon a Targeted Parent

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My Nightmare… April 16, 2016


Dear God 1


April 16, 2016

Believing it to be the day of catastrophe in America a Mother, estranged from her 4 beloved children sent a group text to all four. “My wonderful children” she wrote. “I want you to know that I love you all no matter what, and I always will, no matter what. With deep love, Mommy”.
Within a minute 2 of her children replied expressing their love and forgiveness of past events, while the other two remained silent after reading her declaration of love for them, their hearts so filled with anger and their minds so filled with hate as a direct result of parental alienation caused in part by their father, grandmother and other family members, that they knew their silence would wound their estranged mother again. And so, willfully, and stubbornly they remained silent not telling their mother that they had any feelings for her at all. Their last thoughts were of anger toward her as the explosion rocked North America Killing most of it’s inhabitants almost instantly.
Time doesn’t exist in Heaven or Hell. The time it took to sort out the casualties of this terrible mass death may have been a blink of an eye or taken years, who knows.
As it turned out the forgiveness given to their mother by the first two children meant they would spend eternity in heaven. The hate of silence the other two showed their mother left them in hell.

I guess that left the mother …


I’m divorced since 10/2002. I was with my former for 16 years. In 2 years my time with him will be as long as my absence from him; by now I think that I should be able to function somewhat normally on a day to day basis, but that simply isn’t the case. .

People say, Give them time, they will figure it out, they will come around… that has not been MY EXPERIENCE.

How much longer will I feel this pain? My mother says that I need to move on, for my future and sanity; logically this is correct but I have told you all I can no more forget any of my children than I could cut off my own arm.

I know the guy in the movie ‘128 Hours’ did cut off his own upper arm in order to survive but the rocks he was stuck amongst didn’t call him from time to time, or talk trash about him to people who then repeated the terrible things, still being said about you 14 years later, to you because they felt ‘YOU SHOULD KNOW’…   Most recently I was told my ex told my grandaughter’s daddy that my current husband and I were having an affair when I was married to my ex… Lies, I never met my current hubby till 2/17/08. How do you fight lies like this?

I’m dying a little every day. I need help and I don’t know where to turn. I am so worried about all of my Children’s life as adults. I’m so depressed. Leah

I AM THE ALIENATOR


I AM THE ALIENATOR
by Karen Woodall

I am an alienator. You know me well. You lived with me once and you witnessed my behavior patterns but you did not spend time studying and internalizing them. I know your behavior patterns better than you know them yourself. I know how to measure you, test you and control you. I know what your hooks are and I know that the depth of the love for your children is a weakness I can exploit. I am an emotional terrorist. I will terrify you into submission. You will do as I tell you to do, if you do not, I will take your children away.

I am an alienator, you didn’t notice that when we lived together but I began my work long before we went our separate ways. I created fissures and fractures within our family and I managed and manipulated reality, though for a long time you did not notice that.

I am an alienator, at times in the past you felt a chill wind blow through you when my moods changed as I raged and then sweet talked you to smooth the ripples in your growing awareness. My mind is distorted but the projection of shadows causes you to believe it is yours which has failed you. Eventually you came to believe that it was you and not I who was crazy. You shivered as I turned down the gas light.

When you appeal to the outside world for assistance I will turn my most charming face to the sun and open my arms wide and beseech them to believe that I only want the best for my children. I will widen my eyes and up turn my palms and say ‘what can I do when they don’t want to see you’ and suck into my airspace all those who attempt to bring change to the lives of the weapons I know I can use.

My children are assets, collateral, extensions of plans that I make to wreak my revenge upon people who challenge my views or attempt to remove the control that I have in my life.

My children are satellites orbiting sunshine coming only from me – you could never compete with the warmth that I wind around each of their hearts so that only my love is enough; making yours surplus, not needed, discarded like clothes that you bought and I won’t let them wear.

I am all that they need.

You are not.

When our love ended my rage recruited our children to a campaign of
revenge that joins us together against you.

In my mind your betrayal awakened the traumas of people long dead and ignited the fuse that lead to the bomb that blew up our lives. Now, the souls of our children are hostage to wrongs which come howling from hell and you are helpless to hold back the tide which will sweep you and they to the death that is living with losing your children whilst they are still breathing. Your loss not mine which you and not I will have to survive.
Sometimes you mirror me, two perfect projections that weave webs of destruction that sever our children in two, one side light, one side dark, you there in the shadows.

But mostly it is because I cannot see my behaviours, I am blind to the sight of myself in the mirror. The only reflection I need is the love of my children to feed me and give me a sense of my self which I lost even before I was born.

I am the alienator, annihilator, terminator. My aim is to end, by fair means or foul, your place in the hearts and the lives of your children.
I am easily spotted by those who know me but invisible to those who do not. You will spend your time, your energy and money telling them I am behind this whilst I smile and continue to shred the trust our children once held in you. I am an alienator even when I do not know it and the failure to see the shadows I cast in the projections I throw onto you, is the fault of a system so blinded by bias it is frozen like the minds of our children, the children being harmed right under the noses of those who should know how to help them but sadly, do not.

In the plain sight of you and of them, the lives of the children you love are stolen, erased and extinguished.

And your anguish and pain are the gifts that I treasure.

And your suffering compensates for the things I perceive you to have done.

And whilst chaos reigns and the system colludes with my delusions, the power I seek remains mine.

Along with the children.

Whose eyes are wide open but able to see nothing at all.

old letter from my daughter Charlene


7/27/04

Hey mommy

well lol I didnt read that whole thing ebfore I sent it out to everyone on my mailing list, and I read what Bryan Duvall wrote back and I knew that only you and him had wrote back so I was like wow I wonder what my mom had to say about that! lol but yeah lol sorry about that, I sent it to a bunch of girls too now their all gonna think Im a lesbian or something.  I was telling her how dad is geting my Birkenstocks from Germany and she But they are like mad comfortable so now everyone wears them! lol espically all the popular kids. Anyways I am about to go to the mall, and I am so mad bc I have to get new bras and stuff but dad isnt here to pay for anything bc he is in Germany I am so mad. I have to wait till probably Saturday. AUGH anways g2g Im getting yelled at

love

~cc~
01.Who are you, what’s our relationship?: Mother / Daughter
02. How and where did we meet?: On the day you were born, you were a HUGE pain in my (arse)
03. What’s my middle name?: Francess
04. How long have you known me?: All your Life
05. Tell me one good thing about myself?: You are the most caring person I ever met.
06. When you first saw me, what was your impression?: YIPPEE!
07. My age: 15 (going on 25)
08. Birthday: 10/xx (I tried to hold out till Haloween, but you were not agreable)
09. My favorite band at the moment: From your e-mail Probably Blink 182
10. Colour eyes: Beautiful Blue
11. Do I have any siblings?: Yeah, I was there when they were born too.
12. Have you ever had a crush on me?: He he he he You crack me up!
13. What’s one of my favorite things to do?: clean house and change diapers? (Just kidding) Go to the Mall and hang out with friends.
14. Do you remember one of the 1st things I said to you?: “Waaa waaa!” The first real word was “Dad”
15. Describe me in 3 words: Love, Joy, Gentleness.
16. Name 5 things I love: Dad, Mom, Libby, Wanda, Danny, Libby, and Jessie.
17. Do you think I’m good looking?: Of course!
18. How would you describe me to someone?: This is my daughter, she is a beautiful person.
19. Would you ever date me?: Umm, no. But I’d chaperone.
20. Tell me one thing you’ve always wanted to say but never did: I have always said what ever needed to be said, and sometimes that was hard to do.
21: What do you like most about me?: You are my daughter.
22: If we could spend a day together, what would we do?: Talk, go to the movies, eat at a restraunt, and listen to music or watch TV.
23: Have we ever gotten in a fight?: You are kidding, right?
24: Do you think we will be friends for at least 3 or 4 more years?: We will always be friends, because I will love you forever.
25. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it: Bongo-butt because your butt was so pattable when you were a baby.
26. What do you think my weakness is?: You are very stubborn at times.
27. Do you think I’ll get married?: Yes, and probablly too soon for me.
28. What makes me happy?: Being given freedom. Time to relax.
29. What makes me sad?: Not getting your way.
30. What reminds you of me?: Everything that is good in the world.
31. If you could give me anything, what would it be?: Perfect Vision.
32. When’s the last time you saw me?: Just after Christmas (And it was way too long ago). But I saw your photo a few seconds ago.
33. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?: Our friendship will get stronger over time.
34. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?: Yes, that is another great quality you have.
35. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?: Haven’t got one.
36. If I was an ice cream flavor, which would I be and why?: Strawberry. Because it is fresh, and sweet.
37. What song (if any) reminds you of me?: “Only You” because when you were about 2 you used to sing it and pucker your lips up for the “Youuuuuu” parts (so cute!)
38. If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?: I would make you love to learn things.
39. Would you make a move on me?: Oh My Gosh! I am your Mom, silly!
40. Do I cross your mind at least 1 time a day? At least a thousand times a day.

I love you.

Mom

A Heart that is so Broken Sometimes Just HAS to say, “Enough”!


I was texting my daughter (the only one that still talks to me) the other night.  She says that all this stuff is private and I shouldn’t publish it.

I  really think over the things I publish, I have prayed about it, I have even discussed it with an attorney and come to the conclusion that the only thing left for me to do it to show the hypocrisy, and give public evidence of the pain I have endured now for 12 years.  I blog here not just to regain some of my own lost pride, but also because I FIRMLY believe that Parental Alienation can only be prevented if one knows what to look for.

I was BLINDSIDED by this.  I never imagined the children I gave birth to could hate me so harshly, and so undeservedly.  I was a good mother.  I tried very hard to teach my children in ways that would have meaning, not just by lecture or spanking, but by demonstrating how actions have consequences.

My children have taught me that in divorce leaving the state is the absolute WORST IDEA anyone can have.  You MUST BE THERE for them even if it is not in the same house.  For that mistake I will pay continuously for the rest of my life.

I can’t keep reaching out to them, to be hung up on, or avoid writing the truth here because it is embarrassing.  TO BAD!

A) I never wanted to be divorced; he filed against me.

B) I signed our IRS documents shortly after the divorce, HE DIDN’T FILE them, HE disobeyed the courts order, not me.

C) I had to pay private mortgage interest rates because he left my name on our home in Alabama for 6 years the rate of interest I was paying was 10.5% while the bank rate was around 5%.

D) I couldn’t go back to school for two years because of his failure to file.  Until I finally consulted the IRS and an attorney who told me that since he did not comply with the judge’s 30 day mandate I was no longer obligated to wait, I could file on my own, and I did.

E) When American Express sued him his defense was that I was mental and overspent.  However, all the items I bought he enjoys.

F) If I was mental as he says, how is it that he was able or even RIGHT to have me sign a “Quit Claim” deed on our home while I was in the hospital voluntarily seeking help for what I can only describe as a “breakdown”?

G) The religious aspects of this really tick me off, I have been avoiding writing about them, but there will be a lot about that coming soon.  Anyway, he is a born Catholic.  Divorces are not acceptable, and his divorce, and subsequent remarriage, according to Doctrine makes him (and by default me) an adulterer in the eyes of the Catholic Church.  So how does he have the nerve to take Holy Communion? I don’t.  I won’t until I get a blessing to do so by a priest I am seeing for counseling over all this.  So far, he has not said I can receive communion.   PLUS Chuck is a Knight of Columbus and a Past Grand Knight, who marches in Parades in full regalia which kind of makes me want to barf.

G) GEE how can he make this right?  Admit to the kids he lied to them about me, that HE refused me re-admittance to the home, he wanted the divorce and that he systematically chased me out of Alabama… That he did not follow the court order, that HE kept my letters and gifts from them so they would think I was not thinking about them ALL THE TIME (which I was). That I LOVE THEM SO MUCH and he knows it, and they should too. FINALLY he needs to pay me the money I was awarded in our divorce.

I am not holding my breath,.  But I am so GLAD that there is a FIRST AMENDMENT.

I am an alienated child.


Sad man in space
Alone in Space

I don’t want to wait that long to see them again

Karen Woodall

I am an alienated child, I am sure of myself and the world that I live in, I know what is true and what is not and I have been told many stories about you from the past as well as the present.  When you try to tell me that what I believe is wrong I know that this is confirmation of everything they say about you, you are tricking me, you are trying to control me, you are dangerous to me and those who love me.

I am an alienated child, I am self righteous and indignant if anyone dares to suggest that what I know to be true is wrong.  I will not listen to you or to anyone who tries to stand up for you, I will cut out of my life in a second the people who do not agree with my point of view.

I…

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