- * * * UPDATE to My Readers * * *
- I recently wrote a private letter to the Stepmother asking her if we could bury the hatchet now that I am frequently invited to Al. to see my granddaughter. I have had no reply, I assume that means no.
- I posted a link in the step-parents area at reddit/divorce and I was shocked to have such negative feedback. People telling me to remain out of my newly reunited, adult children’s lives and to leave SM alone. I just DON’T understand WHY people can’t get along? Why does it have to be ONLY her, and how could she really hate a person she has never taken 10 minutes to know?
- I really am struggling with these questions because I want to be able to attend future events, weddings, christenings, Holy Communion, all of it. I do not want my kids to have to pick one of us, we are adults and I feel we should be able to be in the same room civilly, for the KIDS! Please post new thoughts below…
- Here is the Reddit link:
Although we have never spent any time together I believe that you and I COULD become friendly, if not friends.
First off; let me again express my gratitude to you for guiding my children into adulthood. I honestly believe that without your influence they would not have achieved so much. I can’t thank you enough for loving them. Sincere, heartfelt THANKS!
Now I need to address some issues that I feel we, yes, you and I TOGETHER, need to come to terms with.
The number one thing that Wanda told me you said about me that really hurt my feelings was, “anybody can spit out four kids”. I have serious issues with that statement because it is a falsehood number one; because the children are mine, they are NOT your flesh and blood. Yes, you were there for them the past 7 years or so, but that doesn’t make them your children. It makes the children your family, people you love and people you are partially responsible for, still they will always be 50% of my genetic code and no matter how much you love them you can’t replace me. You can’t change their genetic make-up and as much as I believe you wish you could erase all traces of me from them, you can’t. I suggest that you come to terms with this and try to comprehend the special bond of mother and child which I have observed to remain intact even when a child is separated from their biological mother from birth.
Allow me to give you an example from my own life. You may not know this about me but I was adopted. I had a burning desire to find my biological family, my roots, at a very young age. To that end I began adoption research at the age of 15. I spent countless hours scouring records of “Chattle” (yes, sickening that Arizona used a livestock sales column to post adoption announcements) helping so many other people in the Az Search Triad, but never successfully locating my own announcement.
After Charlene was born I became obsessed really with locating my birth mother, and after much research I finally found her.
What she experienced the day I called her for the first time clearly demonstrates the connection between mother and child that remans unbroken through time.
My birth mother, June, (Wanda June is named after both Chuck’s mother and my birth mother) is the type of woman who’s only idle time is when she is asleep. She never really stops doing. The day I first called her was one of the rare moments in her life where she simply paused, by the telephone no less, in certain anticipation of a call from a daughter she had never met. Call it a psychic connection, a twinned cell, or, as I believe, a blood bond, she knew the baby she placed for adoption was going to call her that day and she was ready.
Jill I am not telling you this to make a comparison between the love our children have for mother or step mother. I trying desperately to explain that EVERYONE in this family will be far better off with more love rather than more pain. I would never force my children to choose between you and I, not for fear of the outcome, but because it is simply UNNECESSARY for them to make any such choice.
Now Jill, my children are almost all adults and I realize that they can decide never to speak to me again. How do you think they will feel when they have their own children and become aware of the deception and mean-spirited tactics that have pushed me away since the moment you became an important part of their lives? Do you believe that they will overlook the awful things you and Robin have said about me over the years?
I am betting adulthood will open their eyes to just how mean you have been to me. I HONESTLY Hope they don’t become so angry with you for the accusations, the not telling them I called, wrote, or flew 1200 miles to see them only to be threatened by you with trespass charges if I didn’t leave. Jill, as deeply as you have hurt me, I don’t wish this pain upon you.
I think of ALL of you everyday and while sometimes I am filled with pain, which ultimately leads to anger, for the most part I think of you fondly. I imagine you teaching Wanda to read music, encouraging Daniel to pursue drama, and holding the grandchildren I will never hold, with the love and adoration they clearly deserve. I imagine the pain you feel, as I once felt, being ignored intimately by a man who was sadly taught that sexual intercourse was something women despised, and that showing affection or being publicly affectionate was inappropriate even for man and wife. I imagine you crying alone realizing they will soon be gone and that even though you are married to a great guy, you will soon be very lonely.
Jill, I will always welcome any positive relationship with you. I would be able to overcome the painful past if you would simply reach out in sincere friendship to me. We have much in common, my kids have told me this time and again. I was told by Daniel that I left hurtful messages on your answering machine for you. I honestly do not recall trying to be hurtful towards you; yet I know that when I am in pain I can be very mean. I know this sounds like I am making excuses, I am not. There is no excuse if I hurt you; and if I did I am truly sorry. Please find it in your heart to forgive me.
Jill, please, I am begging you to start to TRY to add me to your life.
Whatever your choice, I wish you well.
第一关 ；让我再次表示，我感谢你为指导我的孩子们进入成年期。老实说，我相信不受你影响他们将不会取得这么多。谢谢你足够爱他们不行，诚意，表示衷心的感谢 ！
头号万达告诉我你说我真的伤害了我的感情是，”任何人都可以吐出四个孩子”。我有这种说法严重的问题，因为它是一个谎言数目 ；因为孩子们是我的他们不是你的血肉。是的你在那里为他们过去的 7 年左右的时间，但不会是你的孩子。它使孩子们，你的家人、 你爱的人和你部分负责的人，他们仍然总有 50%的基因代码、 无论你是多么的爱他们，你不能代替我。你不能改变他们的基因组成，就像我相信你想你可以抹去所有的痕迹，我从他们那里，你不能。我建议你来到这个术语，并试图理解的母亲和我观察将保持不变甚至当一个孩子分开他们亲生母亲从出生的孩子特别的羁绊。
请允许我给你举个例子从我自己的生活。你可能不知道这对我，但我没有采纳。燃烧的欲望，要找到我生物的家，我的根在很年轻的时候了为此目的，我 15 岁开始通过研究。我花了无数时间冲刷的”动产”（是的令人作呕的亚利桑那州用牲畜销售额列来发布通过公告的） 记录帮助很多其他人在亚利桑那州搜索黑社会，但永远不会成功地定位自己的公告。
我的亲生母亲，6 月，（万达 6 月命名查克的母亲和我的亲生母亲） 是新型的女人只是空闲时间是当她是睡着了。她从来没有真正停止做。我第一次打电话给她的一天是她的生命中弥足珍贵的时刻之一在哪里她简单地停顿了一下，在电话上不少，在某些期待接到一个女儿她素未谋面。称之为一个通灵的连接，孪晶结构的单元格，或相信，血缘，她知道她安排收养婴儿正要打电话给她一天，她已经做好准备。
我打赌，成年后将会打开他们的眼睛，多么的意思是你一直在我身边。我老实说希望他们不会成为这么生气的指责，没有告诉他们我叫、 写道，或飞行 1200 英里，看到他们只来威胁你非法侵入罪名如果我不曾离开。吉尔，像你一样深深地伤害了我，我不希望这种痛苦在你身上。
我认为所有的你每天，虽然有时我充满了痛苦，最终导致愤怒，大部分为想你的深情。我想象你教学万达读音乐，鼓励 Daniel 追求戏剧，并抱着孙子我将永远不会举行，爱与崇拜他们显然值得。我想象你的痛苦，因为我一旦毡，紧密地忽略了可悲的是一个人教那性交是一些妇女鄙视，和那显示的感情或被公开深情是不恰当的即使对于男人和妻子。我想象你哭独自实现他们很快就会离开，即使你嫁给一个伟大的人，你很快就会很寂寞。
吉儿，我会永远和你一起欢迎任何积极的关系。将能够克服痛苦的过去，如果你将简单地伸出真诚的友谊对我。我们有很多共同点，我的孩子们告诉我这一次又一次。Daniel 告诉我说我把伤人的消息在你的答录机上留给你。老实说不记得想要伤害你 ；然而我知道在痛苦中的时候，我可以很小气。我知道这听起来像我在找借口，我不是。那里是没有任何借口，如果伤害了你 ；并且如果我做了我真的很抱歉。请发现它在你的心，能原谅我。