The times are changing for family court issues. No longer are “Mommies” automatically the preferred custodial parent. Now “Daddies” have about an equal chance at primary custody IF, yes IF, they have the cash.I have watched and read so many divorce cases, and appeals and come away sure in my belief that s/he who has the biggest bankroll will win.
KNOW PROTECT and ASSERT your RIGHTS
There are no “Public Attorney’s” for family court. However I strongly believe THERE SHOULD BE!! In family courts there are no juries for the most part, only a judge, often biased in belief, and I often wonder if influenced by, well I’ll say it, bribery and/or extortion. I say this after reading so many cases where a judge has ignored the best interest of the parties to favor the best financial bottom line. Maybe some of you believe financial strength SHOULD take precedence over a parent who is destitute.
Did we bring this on ourselves by using children/child support to punish ex spouses in contemptuous accusations? In family court it is so often the non-payers who wind up in jail for their failure to pay. The court seemingly indifferent to the non-payers life circumstance such as loss of job, disability, or the fact that the children the court demands support for LOATHES the parent (usually due to PAS and rarely by fault of their own)
Who would want to put out half their income, often living in squalor, so a child taught to hate them could have a new car, braces to make them beautiful, music lessons for their pleasure, or worse, money for the alcohol which their custodial parent consumes far too much of?
5th, 6th, 7th and 8th Amendments SHOULD Apply
I contend that any legal process that could result in the loss of your freedom should be covered by the Bill of Rights as equally as it is applied in Criminal Court; and go a step farther to state that some actions in divorce cases should be criminalized, ESPECIALLY Parental Alienation.
Parental Alienation charges should be available OUTSIDE family court such that not strictly former spouse, but anyone caught or proven to have harmed a parent child relation should be open for civil liability and in some cases, criminal charges.
A general view of The Ministry of Justice building Joanna Morris / Thursday 3 December 2015 / News Published Thursday 3 December 2015 / News THE family courts are damaging children and vulnerable families by failing to enforce their own orders, says a Darlington woman. The woman, who did not want to be named, and […]
First I want to say that being separated and BLOCKED from your children (FOR NO REASON other than retaliation by the child’s other parent) is one hell of a problem that people simply DON’T understand, and is very difficult to get help for. Parental Alienation is a problem which makes those who are dealing with it feel like a deserted island; alone and isolated from seemingly everyone, a societal pariah, JUDGED unworthy of parenting their very own children. You hear the talk, “You know his kids won’t even call him.” Or, “I wonder if he molested them, they never visit.”
As an analogy, you may feel like a smoker taking a smoke break, outside and out of any thoroughfare, consideration having been given by you to nonsmokers, and you isolated yourself. There you are, outside, alone, and every now and then someone passes you by and makes a face, pinches their nose, dramatically coughs to express how disgusting your habit is to them. The do this not because your smoke is bothering them as you are nowhere near enough to have them smell the cigarette; they simply treat you as an OUTCAST they shun you and hurt your feelings because they don’t want to be near a smoker, having been told that even outdoors you could kill them. Yet these same people do much worse they sit around fires built with questionable things, treated woods, particle board, even garbage containing gosh knows what/
DON’T LOSE HOPE
Every once and awhile another smoker may join you on the bench and for that 10 minutes of camaraderie, you feel a little glimmer of acceptance and understanding. That 10 minutes is meaningful to you in a healing way.
Being harmed by being ousted from your children’s lives affects EVERY aspect of your life, from health, to self-esteem, job performance, and mental wellbeing etc…
The problem is that enough of us are NOT suing outside of family court for Personal injury / Slander / Defamation / and asking for punitive damagesas a result of this alienation.
I further believe that in some cases, this could be brought to a Federal Judge as a violation of a person’s Civil Rights due to discrimination (as in my case). I FIRMLY believe my ADA (American’s with Disabilities Act) rights were trampled by the Judge(s), and the opposing lawyer. I wonder how many of us were suffering an emotional breakdown, or a physical handicap that pressured the marriage into divorce?
As most of us know, when breadwinners lose income it stresses a marriage a lot. If the breadwinner was out of work due to disability this also makes it an ADA case (IMHO).
It is my NON-LAWYER opinion that issues such as these are WELL addressed in CIVIL or FEDERAL court with the time honored rules in place that help JUSTICE prevail. Civil Courts and/or Federal Courts should be able to hear issues within Family Court cases especially when there are Damages, or Constitutional Rights violations. Instead of FAMILY COURT, which is not obligated to prove anything to the standards of other courts and is very open to abuse based upon its lack of standards of evidence, weak requirements of actual proof, bias by officials, unfairness based upon indigence, lack of jury, and possibly payola of caseworkers, and maybe even Judges, especially those who are not elected.
Once the Civil Court or Federal Court has heard and decided the merits of a case related Family Court actions, especially when they awarded damages, that judgement SHOULD qualify to be presented in Family Court as evidence of Contempt of the divorce decree (almost every State has language prohibiting custodial parents from making derogatory remarks about non-custodial parents). Once your case is proven the Family Court should give much weight to all findings, decisions, judgements, or mandates passed down by these other courts.
I ALSO believe in that in cases where another court finds punitive damages in favor of the alienated parent, that this could be a game changer in the custodial parent’s behavior; they don’t want to have a judgement against them that could become very public and costly, and possibly custody changing.
I am very interested in locating lawyers who are willing to bring these claims outside of family court. Proving damages is EASY, it is similar to a Workman’s Comp claim, and a good litigation attorney should prevail. I would like my case heard in Federal Court as a discrimination and violation of my civil rights under the ADA.
I spent 30 years as a private investigator and I know how to research law, write pleadings, and even testify as to what I observed as an investigator.
To the father who posted this, please see a counsellor, and phone a friend who will support you emotionally. Don’t be a deserted Island, be an isthmus, there are people going through the same thing and you are not alone, even though you may feel that way.
Change is up to you, me, and everyone facing Parental Alienation.
God Bless you all,
God Bless America,
God Bless the Children!
Nov, 9th 2015.
Canada is inundated with Parental Alienation cases, accusations, and their supreme court calls it ABUSE.
Why haven’t our American Courts figured it out?
“Parental alienation is abuse. Supreme Court Justice Faye McWatt showed remarkable courage in exposing this syndrome for what it really is, for acknowledging its devastating affects on victims and for taking decisive action against the perpetrator. It is a great relief to those who have suffered its devastating effects without recourse or hope until now.
Although parental alienation is rampant in our society, most people have never even heard of it. I urge everyone who has contact with children, particularly those whose input affects custody decisions, to learn about this insidious form of child abuse. An excellent resource is Divorce Poison, by Dr. Richard A. Warshak.
Gail Tedford, Markham
Cold, hard, cash. My ex husband waited until I was voluntarily in Huntsville Hospital seeking help for my breakdown to bring in a paper called a “quit claim deed” which he asked me to sign and I in a drugged induced fog signed it; not knowing that he had a divorce planned, and he nefariously wanted me to lose my right to the home. In case you didn’t know, a quitclaim deed removes all your right to property you purchased with another party.
Our home on Manningham Drive was my pride and joy. I was the one who picked out the floor plan, who was there every day during the construction process, put dug the pond in the backyard while 7 months pregnant, me who went to our prior home to ask for a wister I had moved to our new house. I had grown that wisteria from a twig no longer than my forearm, and now it was a full-grown tree with blossoms that smelled like carnations and cinnamon. I loved that neighborhood so much that I put myself through terrible times to protect neighborhood property rights and values as both president of the homeowners association and member of the architectural approval committee. Quit claim deed, I would never have signed it knowing what the real purpose was. I call that fraud,obtaining property when someone is completely mentally out of it…
During the court proceeding his side brought that quitclaim deed into court declaring I wanted no part of the house. Five years later a different judge heard a case brought by American Express against my ex-husband for not paying a bill ordered by Judge battle for him to pay within 30 days of my divorce being final. My ex-husband’s defense against not having to pay that bill was that at the time the money was spent I was fully responsible for the charges that I was mentally incompetent to make good money decisions therefore he was not responsible for paying that bill. So how can I po have been lucid enough to sign that?! Was it a coincidence that the judge that heard my contempt hearing was the same judge that ruled in Chuck’s favor when American Express sued him?
In the state of Alabama if a marriage goes over 10 years before divorce the wife and husband are to divide assets equally. There are exceptions in cases where adultery is involved or other unthinkable acts, yet adultery is considered forgiven if the husband and wife remain married for more than six months after the discovery of the infidelity. This was the case in my divorce. It had been much longer than six months in fact it had been over a year since I even saw Saco. However we did have a substantial tax bill and American Express bill that needed to be dealt with. The judge ordered Chuck to pay both the taxes and the American Express to then subtract 50% of both of those bills from my portion of his Lockheed Martin retirement and pay me the remainder of my 50%, within 30 days of our divorce ring final. The judge states he, the judge, would submit the QDRO.
My husband ignored the courts order and never filed our taxes for several years he also did not pay the American Express bill which was on my credit report as well as his for years. He also never removed my name from his mortgage on our former home which had the effect of preventing me from obtaining a mortgage on a home of my own from a bank. Instead I had to go and find private money at a rate of 13% interest which is significantly higher than the rate that a bank would charge.
His failure to file taxes cost me a year of school attendance because I could not show my income to the student financial aid department. Three years after our divorce I finally spoke to a lawyer who went over my divorce decree and told me that since Chuck did not file the taxes within 30 days or pay the American Express bill within 30 days he was in contempt of court and I was no longer obligated to be responsible for that 50%. He also advised that I could file my own taxes for those years and so I did, despite having signed a joint tax return prepared about a year after our divorce. I called the IRS first, of course, and asked if a joint tax return had been filed for the years ordered in my decree with our Social Security numbers? They told me none had been filed. They agreed with the attorney and said I should file my own tax returns for the years in question with my own income stated on the forms. Of course being a stay-at-home mom with a very small business meant that I had no tax liability for the years in question.
I do not believe that it’s a grey area of law if a person disobeys a court order to do something within 30 days, failing to comply cost them the right to force another party to lose money.
His failure to follow the court order cost me dearly. Not only did I have to pay 13% interest on my home but my credit was damaged beyond belief causing me to file a bankruptcy. The lawyer who did my bankruptcy included every loan that my ex-husband and I had jointly IRS, American Express, and any debt that he could claim even remotely I owed. The bankruptcy was discharged in 2005. I am only just now reestablishing my credit.
Now let’s talk about the retirement fund. At the time of our divorce we had been saving the max allowed in the Lockheed Martin retirement fund his salary was about $120,000 a year. Lockheed Martin matched funds up to a certain point and he had worked there for seven years. Also we had retirement funds from his work at Native American services, his work at EWA, and other companies over our 13 year marriage. We also purchased a weekly $100 savings bond.
Aside from saving for the future we had a very large gun, coin, jewelry, gem, collectible, and musical instrument collection. Some of the furniture in our home was over 100 years old and quite valuable.
Through some mega bargaining I had purchased Chuck a Cadillac Deville which he and I sold after driving for a year at a profit. Very nearly unheard of. The sale price was $18,500, I paid $17,000 a year before. When the cars were brought up in court it was as though they were trying to say that I made poor purchases that cost our family money. The facts show that the purchases I made on the vehicles made our family money. Indeed I was criticized for not financing them and for paying for them with a check we had the money. We had the money, because I made several daytrades that gleaned us over $1.5 million. Indeed things were going quite well until the dreadful stock market crash. To me it seemed the divorce was partially motivated by losing money to the stock market. What my husband failed to see was that despite margin calls we still had stock worth well over $50,000. Had we just bided time these things would’ve turned around. I want to add though that about two months before the stock market crash I had asked no big him to sell all the stock and get liquid he refused to do so because he did not want a tax liability.
I promised that I would not seek alimony if he put my kids through college. So far he failed to put my two oldest children through college. Since I don’t know who is paying for my daughter Wanda Wanda to attend I can’t speak for that, and my son is not out of high school yet.
There are many other things that we could probably put a price tag on but primarily the items above should be, by court order, divided equally. This has never occurred. In fact today I have only received $20,000 from an account that I myself put my own money in from Dean Witter daytrading, and a small amount from Waddell and Reed which only represented a small portion of the money they held for our retirement and certainly did not receive 50% of our total holdings with them. Chuck never disclosed several accounts including one at Travelers, another at Merrill Lynch and finally a savings account at Redstone Federal credit Union.
When it came time for a QDRO to be filed his lawyer flatly refused to do it fill out the form. My lawyer was disbarred. However, I do not think it is too late. So if you are a lawyer capable of practicing in Alabama and would like to represent me please contact me. Lorindellia@hotmail.com
My son is such an amazing young man. He sets himself above any other young man his age and has the highest moral standing. Through everything he has stood by me and has seen through all the fog. When we found out this week that his sister was pregnant he took it really hard. He seemed to be disappointed that she had not finished school first but more than anything was offended that he was not told. He just said to me “what were they going to do just let me show up Christmas and wonder where this baby came from?”. You would think that was the most heartbreaking part. It’s not! After stewing on this for a day or so he decided he wanted to contact his dad and try to set up a “family meeting to set things straight.” I even emailed his dad ahead of time letting…