Tag Archives: children

When A Song Breaks Your Heart and Time Makes You LOVE IT


 

I am the “Momma” in this song.

The first time I heard it I felt like I had been kicked in the gut. It hurt…

Since then, due a lot to counseling and input from friends who’s parents divorced, I have come to view this song not as an attempt to hurt anyone, but instead I can simply appreciate the song for what it is; beautiful like the person who wrote it.

Momma a3579273866_2 From “Not A Hipster”

License copyright 2013 wanda june wesolowski all rights reserved

 

“Baby girl, you’d better call your momma tonight
Baby girl, tell your momma that you’re doing alright”

I don’t know where to go from here, I
Haven’t seen momma in a year
Why can’t she see I don’t wanna
Hear it, not tonight?

“Baby girl, your momma bought you something today.”
“Baby girl, don’t you have something that you wanna say?”

I don’t know if I can thank you for
Trying to make up after losing that War
Momma, buying love won’t fix us, not tonight

And I know you’re trying so hard
All the gifts & all the birthday cards
Momma, you just need to give me time to think
To grow
To blink
And know

I think I’d better call my momma tonight….

Released 01 August 2013
Tags
Tags: Parental Alienation syndrome, Divorce, child abuse, PAS, folk, independent, songwriter, ukulele, madison, alabama, Huntsville
License copyright 2013 wanda june wesolowski all rights reserved

USED with Permission

BOOK RECOMENDATION

Advertisements

TIME TO CHECK YOUR RIGHTS


   Money Money Money

The times are changing for family court issues. No longer are “Mommies” automatically the preferred custodial parent. Now “Daddies” have about an equal chance at primary custody IF, yes IF, they have the cash.I have watched and read so many divorce cases, and appeals and come away sure in my belief that s/he who has the biggest bankroll will win.

 

KNOW PROTECT and ASSERT your RIGHTS

There are no “Public Attorney’s” for family court. However I strongly believe THERE SHOULD BE!! In family courts there are no juries for the most part, only a judge, often biased in belief, and I often wonder if influenced by, well I’ll say it, bribery and/or extortion. I say this after reading so many cases where a judge has ignored the best interest of the parties to favor the best financial bottom line. Maybe some of you believe financial strength SHOULD take precedence over a parent who is destitute.

Did we bring this on ourselves by using children/child support to punish ex spouses in contemptuous accusations? In family court it is so often the non-payers who wind up in jail for their failure to pay. The court seemingly indifferent to the non-payers life circumstance such as loss of job, disability, or the fact that the children the court demands support for LOATHES the parent (usually due to PAS and rarely by fault of their own)

Who would want to put out half their income, often living in squalor, so a child taught to hate them could have a new car, braces to make them beautiful, music lessons for their pleasure, or worse, money for the alcohol which their custodial parent consumes far too much of?

5th, 6th, 7th and 8th Amendments SHOULD Apply

I contend that any legal process that could result in the loss of your freedom should be covered by the Bill of Rights as equally as it is applied in Criminal Court; and go a step farther to state that some actions in divorce cases should be criminalized, ESPECIALLY Parental Alienation.

Parental Alienation charges should be available OUTSIDE family court such that not strictly former spouse, but anyone caught or proven to have harmed a parent child relation should be open for civil liability and in some cases, criminal charges.

Want to discuss this? please click discuss criminalizing PAS

Parental Alienation Damages a Child DEEPLY, Wounds that will Affect the Adult S/He Becomes…


This past week I have been struggling about blogging my life. One of my kids says she hates reading about her family here… I know it hurts her and I know she probablly feels compelled to read anyway.

I feel I must continue blogging here because I run across so many people on a daily basis facing choices I once made; facing outcomes that might hurt all the people they love, and I think my experiences might help them avoid mistakes that can’t be undone mistakes known by experts in PAS & High Conflict Divorces (HCD)  shown, known and proven to cause serious, sometimes PERMANENT, psychological trauma to kids and parents in high conflict divorce cases (HCD}.

If you’ve been reading here before then you know that I feel that sometimes a parent isn’t alienating the child/ren on purpose; sometimes they are just so full of pain over the break-up they can’t bring themselves to be respectful…  Talking about the other parent in a positive light is actually impossible when one is hurting so badly… and alienation can occur subconsciously.  However, once a parent understands that their behavior, comments, and preventing  contact so that normal healthy parent/child relationships can continue to exist, is harming not just their ex, but also damaging the children, well then we move to a different level. We may be leaving kids in the care of a cruel and possibly dangerous person… One who doesn’t care about the child’s self esteem, or who places their own feelings above those others.  This is the person who should face sanctions, possibly criminal charges for child abuse.  That is EXACTLY what this behavior is; Child Abuse.

Signs of parental alienation include:

  • Bad-mouthing the other parent to the children
  • Limiting contact
  • Erasing the parent from the children’s lives
  • Forcing the children to reject the other parent
  • Forcing the children to choose sides
  • Creating the impression the other parent is dangerous (yes I just said the alternator is the dangerous one…)
  • Belittling comments to the other parent in front of the children
  • Calling the children to testify against the other parent
  • Convincing the children the other parent is creating financial hardship on the family
  • Spreading rumors and lies to community members which make it difficult, if not impossible, for the other parent to remain within the family’s previous shared community.
  • Making criminal allegations to law enforcement causing legal issues and sometimes incarceration when there is no validity to the charges; or the charges emanate from legal activity prior to divorce or separation.

My son believes that I stole from his father, he says he was shown proof.  I have asked to see this proof to no avail. I’m left to believe either it doesn’t exist, or may be easily refuted once I can see what was shown to him.  Proving a negative is almost impossible.  However making sense of documents,  providing legitimate reasons specific papers exist, is quite simple. Showing a kid some stock trades or line item purchases without giving background, or dates, (perhaps a married couple decision to make a purchase, now being twisted into a theft by the outsider) whatever the case may be, if their was a CRIME COMMITTED then the District Attorney would file charges, a criminal trial would ensue, and the truth would come out because unlike family court, criminal court has due process and burdens of proof to satisfy.  How is a child supposed to have the critical thinking skills required to question legitimacy of these types of accusations?  S/he can’t s/he just believes it or not.

MY HIGHEST CRIME:

ONE DAY while I was still married I did something out of anger that I knew was wrong. I charged 100 pizzas to his card and had them delivered to his former workplace with a nice greeting. $500.  is no felony. People enjoyed it and I felt a little less angry that day.

Yup I did that.

Leah

 

 

– See more at: http://www.natlawreview.com/article/parental-alienation#sthash.bSissCTq.dpuf

Painful Perspective ~ Child of Divorce


RaeLynn, a lovely country singer best known for her time on television’s “The Voice,” put her experience as a child of divorced parents to music allowing us all  insight to the emotional turmoil a child of divorce faces, sometimes well into adulthood..

“RaeLynn tells “People Magazine‘s” Danielle Anderson, “The whole point of family is to be a unit and to do a lot of things together and it’s just not that when your parents are divorced. I think there’s been a lot of divorce songs out there, but they’ve always been about the parents. They’ve never been from the kid’s perspective.”

She further reflects that seeing her parents on a court ordered schedule hurt her Dad as well, “My dad would pick me up every other Friday at 6, and drop me off by 6 on Sunday. Around 4 every Sunday, I remember him getting a little sad, because he wouldn’t get to see his baby for two weeks. I can’t imagine, when I become a mother, not being able to see my child for two weeks. That’s really hard, but that’s the truth, and that’s the normal for a lot of kids in divorced homes. They have to split their time and split their love. It really is not that fair, but it’s a lot of our normal and our truth.”

For more of her interview PLUS a live performance video of the song “Love Triangle” Click here.

official video RaeLynn - Love triangle

Things I Do That Get Me Through and Other Coping Mechanisms


  Find Humor Where You Can

As you might be realizing by now, this divorce is taking a toll.  I have to come up with ways of finding humor where none really should exist:

  • One day I gave my kids permission to sing “Chuck” in the name game song (previously forbidden). Sing along now, “Chuck, duck, bo buck fee fie fo F*&#….”
  • I named my vacuum cleaner after the Step-Mom, yeah, it’s a Dyson so Jill never loses suction.
  • I remember the great times I had with my whole family, yes, even the former husband.
  • I think about the day my kids discover that they were used like pawns, fodder, just to hurt me.
  • I try to imagine the day that the Former Spouse meets St. Peter, in my imagination his making up rationalizations for his treatment of me is riotously funny.
  • I pretend I am in disguise and watching my son in a play.
  • I sing songs loudly which I dedicate to Chuck, Jill, her sister Robin, and my once monster-in-law: some great ones are
    • “Mean” by Taylor Swift and
    • “Pigs, Three Different Ones” by Pink Floyd.
  • I imagine Jill actually catches him being unfaithful.
  • but my favorite one is the one where these guys just get over hurting me and decide to work together as an extended family.

UPDATE AUGUST 29, 2016

I’m writing a documentary about Television and movies and their role in Parental Alienation.  The focus will be how society is almost encouraging the breakdown of family, and its long tern effect upon adult children.

Write me to help out please.