A general view of The Ministry of Justice building Joanna Morris / Thursday 3 December 2015 / News Published Thursday 3 December 2015 / News THE family courts are damaging children and vulnerable families by failing to enforce their own orders, says a Darlington woman. The woman, who did not want to be named, and […]
Losing A Parent is Childhood Trauma
The popular press has reported many stories about adults who suddenly remember having been abused as children. Some media reports have emphasized the unusual circumstances or content of such recovered memories while other reports have declared that the “recovery” of memories of abuse is false for a variety of reasons. Little in the press, however, has dealt with the science relating to memories of childhood trauma.
is working on life affecting issues arising from trauma exposure of many origins. According to their research memories can not only be false, but they can be planted by others!
Q: Are Recovered Memories Always Accurate?
Scientists believe that recovered memories – including recovered memories of childhood trauma – are not always accurate. When people remember childhood trauma and later say their memory was wrong, there is no way to know which memory was accurate – the one that claims the trauma happened or the one that claims it did not.
Q: How Might False Memories Develop?
A great deal of laboratory research involving normal people in everyday situations demonstrates that memory is not perfect. Evidence shows that memory can be influenced by other people and situations; that people can make up stories to fill in memory gaps, and that people can be persuaded to believe they heard, saw or experienced events that did not really happen. Studies also reveal that people who have inaccurate memories can strongly believe they are true.
Q: Is it Possible to Forget Childhood Trauma?
People forget names, dates, faces and even entire events all the time. But is it possible to forget terrible experiences such as being raped? Or beaten? The answer is yes – under certain circumstances. For more than a hundred years, doctors, scientists and other observers have reported the connection between trauma and forgetting. But only in the past 10 years have scientific studies demonstrated a connection between childhood trauma and amnesia.
Most scientists agree that memories from infancy and early childhood – under the age of two or three – are unlikely to be remembered. Research shows that many adults who remember being sexually abused as children experienced a period when they did not remember the abuse. Scientists also have studied child victims at the time of a documented traumatic event, such as sexual abuse, and then measured how often the victims forget these events as they become adults. They discovered that some people do forget the traumatic experiences they had in childhood, even though it was established fact that the traumatic events occurred.
Q: What Makes People Remember a Traumatic Event after Such a Long Delay?
At the time of a traumatic event, the mind makes many associations with the feelings, sights, sounds, smells, taste and touch connected with the trauma. Later, similar sensations may trigger a memory of the event. While some people first remember past traumatic events during therapy, most people begin having traumatic memories out side therapy.
A variety of experiences can trigger the recall. Reading stories about other people’s trauma, watching television programs that depict traumatic events similar to the viewer’s past ex perience, experiencing a disturbing event in the present, or sitting down with family and reminiscing about a terrible shared episode – for some people, these kinds of experiences can open the floodgates of frightful and horrible memories.
First I want to say that being separated and BLOCKED from your children (FOR NO REASON other than retaliation by the child’s other parent) is one hell of a problem that people simply DON’T understand, and is very difficult to get help for. Parental Alienation is a problem which makes those who are dealing with it feel like a deserted island; alone and isolated from seemingly everyone, a societal pariah, JUDGED unworthy of parenting their very own children. You hear the talk, “You know his kids won’t even call him.” Or, “I wonder if he molested them, they never visit.”
As an analogy, you may feel like a smoker taking a smoke break, outside and out of any thoroughfare, consideration having been given by you to nonsmokers, and you isolated yourself. There you are, outside, alone, and every now and then someone passes you by and makes a face, pinches their nose, dramatically coughs to express how disgusting your habit is to them. The do this not because your smoke is bothering them as you are nowhere near enough to have them smell the cigarette; they simply treat you as an OUTCAST they shun you and hurt your feelings because they don’t want to be near a smoker, having been told that even outdoors you could kill them. Yet these same people do much worse they sit around fires built with questionable things, treated woods, particle board, even garbage containing gosh knows what/
DON’T LOSE HOPE
Every once and awhile another smoker may join you on the bench and for that 10 minutes of camaraderie, you feel a little glimmer of acceptance and understanding. That 10 minutes is meaningful to you in a healing way.
Being harmed by being ousted from your children’s lives affects EVERY aspect of your life, from health, to self-esteem, job performance, and mental wellbeing etc…
The problem is that enough of us are NOT suing outside of family court for Personal injury / Slander / Defamation / and asking for punitive damages as a result of this alienation.
I further believe that in some cases, this could be brought to a Federal Judge as a violation of a person’s Civil Rights due to discrimination (as in my case). I FIRMLY believe my ADA (American’s with Disabilities Act) rights were trampled by the Judge(s), and the opposing lawyer. I wonder how many of us were suffering an emotional breakdown, or a physical handicap that pressured the marriage into divorce?
As most of us know, when breadwinners lose income it stresses a marriage a lot. If the breadwinner was out of work due to disability this also makes it an ADA case (IMHO).
It is my NON-LAWYER opinion that issues such as these are WELL addressed in CIVIL or FEDERAL court with the time honored rules in place that help JUSTICE prevail. Civil Courts and/or Federal Courts should be able to hear issues within Family Court cases especially when there are Damages, or Constitutional Rights violations. Instead of FAMILY COURT, which is not obligated to prove anything to the standards of other courts and is very open to abuse based upon its lack of standards of evidence, weak requirements of actual proof, bias by officials, unfairness based upon indigence, lack of jury, and possibly payola of caseworkers, and maybe even Judges, especially those who are not elected.
Once the Civil Court or Federal Court has heard and decided the merits of a case related Family Court actions, especially when they awarded damages, that judgement SHOULD qualify to be presented in Family Court as evidence of Contempt of the divorce decree (almost every State has language prohibiting custodial parents from making derogatory remarks about non-custodial parents). Once your case is proven the Family Court should give much weight to all findings, decisions, judgements, or mandates passed down by these other courts.
I ALSO believe in that in cases where another court finds punitive damages in favor of the alienated parent, that this could be a game changer in the custodial parent’s behavior; they don’t want to have a judgement against them that could become very public and costly, and possibly custody changing.
I am very interested in locating lawyers who are willing to bring these claims outside of family court. Proving damages is EASY, it is similar to a Workman’s Comp claim, and a good litigation attorney should prevail. I would like my case heard in Federal Court as a discrimination and violation of my civil rights under the ADA.
I spent 30 years as a private investigator and I know how to research law, write pleadings, and even testify as to what I observed as an investigator.
To the father who posted this, please see a counsellor, and phone a friend who will support you emotionally. Don’t be a deserted Island, be an isthmus, there are people going through the same thing and you are not alone, even though you may feel that way.
Change is up to you, me, and everyone facing Parental Alienation.
God Bless you all,
God Bless America,
God Bless the Children!
Nov, 9th 2015.
a place to write to those you miss
IRS Filed Lien on Ex’s Home The nerve of my ex-husband still amazes me. I was notified by a friend recently that my ex-husband had a lien on his home. I did a little digging and found out why. DESPITE a court order (in our divorce settlement) to pay the IRS and AMERICAN EXPRESS within 30 days of our divorce being final, he STILL hasn’t paid the taxes.
The court also said:
Well he never did either of these things, and I have yet to see any of our $190K in Lockheed Retirement, Avocent, and other stocks which are listed:
I DID receive 1/2 of one of our Waddel and Reed accounts but I think there were 4 separate funds. I also received part of the Morgan Stanley but it was diminished by a lot, he said he paid his attorney… GRRRRRR But I haven’t seen ANY of the other items detailed. Furthermore he was supposed to pay my kids college, but he told them I caused him to be broke, because he had to pay the taxes and Amex… BOTH of which he never did. The lien is in the amount of $353,529.44 nearly $250,000. more than what we owed in 2001. I know he has money, he never paid these items, he makes upward of $200K a year, so where is my half? Why didn’t he pay the IRS? (I could really use an attorney who specializes in complicated financial settlements in Alabama, if you know one, please link them this page.) Frustrated. Alienated. Hurt. and Angry 13 years AFTER my divorce, it Never ENDS!