Won’t you take a few moments to read some of the posts below?
By sharing my experience I hope to help divorcing parents avoid my divorce pain, for the kids sake.
What I have gone through isn’t an isolated event; it happens all over the world everyday and very often (In My Opinion) it happens by accident. It is a slow process which is exacerbated by other influential adults in a child of divorce’ life talking negatively about a non-custodial parent. The more rejecting the custodial parent is of the ex-spouse, the more hatred and contempt displayed by the parent a child lives with then the MORE likely that child will eventually reject the non-custodial parent. This is due to fear of rejection by both parents. If custodial parent can reject someone s/he promised to love honor and cherish so maliciously, what is to prevent custodial parent from rejecting the child if s/he displeases him/her? What would happen to that child if mom and dad both reject him/her? Would they be alone? Fear rules the depths of a child’s imagination.
My opinions are that there is no way to completely reverse Parental Alienation once the child is over 16-17 because too much has been lost, like the point of no return.
I believe that some families and people don’t even realize how serious the impact of their off the cuff remarks are to the listening child.
I believe that the custodial parent has a duty to maintain open contact with the other parent and to do everything possible to help the child retain the parent child relationship that existed during the marriage.
I FIRMLY believe that neither parent should move farther away than 30 miles. This was my BIGGEST MISTAKE.
I believe that family courts should have some sort of public defender or other type of legal aid on a sliding scale to even out the playing field in these very important issues. When one parent has all the resources and the other is destitute even the idea of custody being given to the poor parent is a concept the indigent parent wouldn’t want, because with the wealthy one the child will have their needs met by virtue of financial ability. I recall a few visits where I had nothing but peanut butter and rice to feed 5 of us for a weekend. It is an awful feeling to have nothing more to offer the children you love.
I believe that there should be a post divorce review, not in the courthouse, but with some type of case manager who retrieves various pieces of information and documents the judge may have ordered created or filed, receipts proving bills have been paid; child support and alimony payments should be processed electronically via a private party who would report immediately any failure of payment which can be settled swiftly without long drawn out contempt hearings.
I believe that family court judges should not interject their personal beliefs regarding the divorcing parties into their verdict. In my case I had been too politically active as a Republican in a Democrat State; it hurt me in court, I am sure of it.
These are just some of my views and I hope you will read on to learn more about My Divorce Pain so it will prevent you from hurting too.
Leah Leanne Talley (Formerly Wesolowski)
Prevent Parental Alienation 
First off, let me introduce myself. I am a step mother, though unlike it seems in your case I have made it very clear to my darling step son B and his mother that I am not here to replace ‘mom’. But I’m unsure as divorce varies from state to state the exactness of what I’m about to present to you. But so strange you lost custody due to financial reasons, that is the intent of child support. My own husband made incredible money when the divorce first started, she was homeless(literally). He was unaware that there is a mandate in the law stating the other parent could not travel further than a 100 miles from him until it was too late and she was states away. But she still won custody, because our judges personal beliefs was despite her young age, party habits, and homelessness she was mother so My hubby actually went an entire year without ever seeing his son. Their view on the financial side again is that is what our child support is for. And yes there is a way to pay your child support through the system and have your timely payments recorded(we do it). And yes, there are case workers (social workers) who review custody after the fact and measure the custody based off of the stableness and happiness of the children in both households. I do not know details as this is all stuff my husband looks into, I feel my involvement in such things inappropriate. But hopefully this message offers you hope in some manner of speaking. Oh, And the age is depending on the state but Atleast by 12 the children can start choosing the household all on their own without interjection of the court. I only know that because that’s what my cousins did when we were kids.
Who I am as a step mom: https://stepparentsanctuary.wordpress.com sometimes it’s good to hear the flip side,though to hear any step mom trying to replace mom is terribly heartbreaking. But I started this blog for much the same reason as you, to hope it helps coping with the painful situation so that the pain does not affect my family.
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I am pretty sure by now you realize that a) my kids are adults. B) child support was never on the table.
Custody wasn’t really on the table either because I knew that I couldn’t give them all the things they needed. I only considered asking for custody after 3 of my four kids confirmed there was serious alcohol abuse in the home, and that was 5 years after divorce.
My mother-in-law hated me with a fury and she practiced parental alienation way before the marriage ended. She was so cruel to me that I once just asked her to tell me what I did to make her hate me so, she said she didn’t, but her actions regarding me spoke louder than her words.
Conversely she adored our children, wanted what was right and good for them, and for that she has my respect.
She never favored one over the other, she loved them all the same.
After 16 years being made to feel I wasn’t worth a kiss, or holding hands even, 16 years of feeling as loved as dog shit, I was in no shape to take care of my children and work. Then the depression set in, and I was zombified by a cocktail of Depakote, Seraquil, Effexor, lithium, and klonopin. At that point I was lucky to make it out of bed…
Him coming over for sex at lunch, whilst when we were married he wouldn’t so much as touch my hand, or any other part of me, wore my heart out. I couldn’t resist him, I loved him so much and at the same time I despised him for what I saw as a breaking of my previously unbridled free-spirit.
I was broken into pieces.
I never dreamed that there was any more of me to break into, until the day I heard my daughter say, “you ruined my life, and I hate you. I never want to speak to you again” (paraphrasing).
And I was shocked to find that there was enough to slice like julienne carrots, when another daughter said, “why don’t you just kill yourself? We all wish you would.”
The worst was when the two babies began to see me as a monster. I will never understand how anyone could hate someone so much when their contact with me was so very brief.
Of course I remembered holding them in my arms almost all day long, but why on earth would they remember that?
Yet there is no way I can comprehend their willingness to believe every lie they have been told about me, no more than I can understand what makes people so blindly follow unconstitutional laws, or how someone could want their child to martyr themselves in this jihad in the Middle East.
Cold hearted people maybe could sacrifice a family member, yes if they believed it was justified… but my kids aren’t cold hearted! I certainly have NOT abused them. They must FEEL something other than contempt?!?? Surely they are beginning to see the light. Sadly not. They now are angry at me for telling the truth about his failure to pay, they aren’t mad at all with him for not paying.
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Well now I know. So sorry only trying to help.
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No, I think you took my reply the wrong way.
I am only saying, my kids are not kids anymore.
I needed help 14 years ago, and didn’t get it…
Now it is too late for me… But hopefully I can help someone.
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